I'm tired of being treated like you can't even stand the thought of me. If I were to look in on this situation from the outside, I would think that I had been the one to cause the pain, and that you were suffering and were mad at me for everything. And that would be why you act like an ass to me. But it didn't happen that way. You caused it all, I'm not taking the blame this time like I did last time. It's not my fault for once. I don't know why you've completely changed, like 180 degrees, and you're a completely different person than the person I knew. What, do I not get the benefit of knowing the "good" you because I'm not with you anymore? What happened to being friends? If this is how you treat a friend, then I don't think I want to be your friend.

I'm not even sure I want to be friends with you anyway...I don't think you deserve it. Not after the way you've treated me the past month and a half.

I'm amazed you haven't even wondered why you haven't driven me completely away yet. Believe me, I wish I could completely separate myself from you, forever. But it's not working out like that now. Because I know what I will ultimately want. And it's the same thing you said we would be. But why is it turning out like this? What did I do to you that was so bad you feel the need to be a complete, uncaring jerk to me?

I really would love to be able to give up. I'm pissed...mostly because I see the past replaying right before my eyes. I don't want you and me to end up like me and him did.

Love,
Keita

I'm at work in the business office right now :)


Scanning endless amounts of paper and shredding them. O.o save me.


xD


Anyway...I'm starving! I'm always hungry and tired when I work in here. Because it's from 9am-12pm. Maybe next semester I will get to work from 1-4 or something, that'd be nice! I have to multitask so I don't fall asleep.


I'm so glad this is a short school week. I'm so burnt out. And I still feel overwhelmed...It's like that feeling isn't going to go away now. It's gonna be like that for four years of college, and maybe grad school?! I don't think so! Well, at least I HOPE not...


Aish...I still have to watch a two hour movie when I get home and write a three page review on it for my history class tonight. Why did I waste the weekend and not get ANYTHING done?! AGAIN!? *Smacks self in head* I need to stop doing that or I really will get wayyy behind. Not like I read half of the stuff I'm supposed to be reading all the time anyway. I have a hard time reading like 50-100 pages for two or three classes for the week. It's a lot O.o


I'm just so apathetic. I mean, I have always done really well in school, and I still am, but it's like all of my focus and concentration (the little bit I did have) decided to leave me last year and it never came back O.o Last year it was senioritis, even though I've had that sense 10th grade xD but now what is it? And I guess it's just gonna continue. I hate being burnt out on stuff.


And my past is still haunting me, in many more ways than one. I want to go home now, finish that movie and write the review because I'm worried I won't get done in time...Oh well...it's 10:35...I get off at 12 O.o


Love,
Keita

I'm really, really, really, times infinity, sick of this.



Beware of my rant, sorry. But I don't feel like writing anything else right now.



You realllyyy must be happy with me out of your life. Because you sure don't do anything to fix it. It's hard/weird for you? Yeah right, cut the crap. How can it be hard for you, and how can you be sorry when this is all what YOU wanted!??!?!?! Why are you suddenly so unfathomably immature?



I really want to give up. And for right now I think I do. You don't deserve me, even as a friend, because you can't treat me right. I shouldn't try to stick around for your friendship if it's not worth it, and believe me, right now it's not. You have seriously awakened more fire in me than ANYONE ever has. And I'm usually a calm person. Not anymore.



It's like this: when you have a cup and you overflow it with drink, that's how these emotions are right now. Especially the anger. And I have never been mad at you before. I get mad at other people, but not like this, I want you to see the severity of this and the destruction you caused. Forgiveness is not an option. You lost that chance.



Something has to seriously be wrong for me to say all of that, because it's not like me. So you should know, it's all your fault. I'm through blaming myself for something I didn't do, and couldn't predict.



I know better now. I'll never trust anyone again. Thanks for teaching me that.

I feel like...

...I made the wrong decision in choosing my college.

But it's too late now.

I hate it when life gets like this. No, I don't hate life, I just get aggravated with some aspects of it; who doesn't?

I hate when I feel like time is going by too quickly, but at the same time much too slowly in other areas. The dualistic nature of that drives me insane. For the past, I don't even know, how many years, every so many months I go into a mini depression. It's not really noticeable to anyone but me, because it's not a big deal. It just happens, and I've learned to live with it. I blame what I call "the passage of time" for these little episodes. I've always been an over-analytical thinker and dreamer, so I know it probably comes from that as well. I get to feeling depressed because of how quickly time is going by. I hate how it passes so fast. I'm still having a hard time believing I'm a freshman in college, and almost 19 years old, when it feels like just yesterday I was an anxious little 14 year old excited for high school the next year. It's all been one big, massive blur of confusion; my high school years. And of course when I was in high school, I wanted nothing more sometimes than to be out, and be in college. There were a lot of aspects about high school that I hated, and a couple I loved. When graduation was nearing last year, I know I was starting to get depressed again, and I knew that even though all four years I had a love/hate relationship with high school, when I got out in just a few months, I'd miss it. And I was write. Thank you past self, for preparing me somewhat for how I'd feel in the future. I'm glad my senior year was memorable, and I hope after this year of college I will be more adjusted to it.

So I do miss high school sometimes, and other times I'm glad I'm out. Time passes too quickly as far as growing up, and I want to stay high school aged! Time is passing slowly as far as school...for some reason I feel like I've been in school for a year already when it's only been one semester (almost). If I was in high school it would feel like the year was just starting, even though it was almost time for midterms. But maybe because the classes are just so different, I feel like I've been in these classes for a year instead of like...11 weeks. Final exams are only a couple of weeks away, and I'm definitely dreading them, but looking forward to the much needed break afterwards...I get like a month off and I don't have to do anything because after break, new classes start, so I can't do anything :)

I haven't adjusted to college life. Well, college school life, since I do live at home. That's another thing I'm torn about. I'm happy to live at home, somewhere I'm comfortable and happy, but at the same time I sometimes wish I had went away to college so I would be in a dorm room, on my own, away from the frustrations around here.

My emotional and stress levels are reaching their breaking points, and I'm not sure what to do. School is getting overwhelming and I feel like I'm getting behind. All I do is read and read and read, and write papers. And study. It gets to be too much sometimes. I'm dreading exams because I want to do well but I've lost all of my focus and drive to do well in school. My emotions are shredded, and I know I have my friends and my boyfriend, and yes that's important to me and I need them and I'm glad they're here, but there is obviously one person bothering me.

I need his help and he won't help me. I'm sick of trying to be friends with someone that won't treat me right. He thinks we're friends, but I don't call this crap "friendship."

You promised me forever, why did you lie? What happened to the friendship part of it? What happened to everything? Why are you treating me like this? I'm sorry, but I deserve better than the way you're treating me. I've tried to hate you, but since I can't master that, I'll just have to stop caring and stop treating you like you deserve me even as a friend. You don't, not from the way you're acting. Do I want to be friends? Yes. But I'm too mad to pursue that right now. I don't deserve this treatment, I've done nothing wrong. And stop telling me you're sorry. How can you be sorry for something you wanted? Grow up and start acting like a friend to me, which I shouldn't even let you be that.

I'm done ranting, for now.

Love,
Keita

Okay, I have no idea what happened with the post below this, but that was supposed to be posted a LONG time ago, and it was a saved draft, so I went ahead and posted it today.

Anyways, I've opened a new website called Seoul Key so I can finally have a place to show all of my reviews and recommendations for foreign stuffs. You can visit the website here but it is still under construction.

One of the things I started with that website is doing a weekly youtube video pick where I show you my current favorite or funny video on youtube.

So here you have it, my first youtube pick of the week: Rupert Grint's jump roping on Generation Fame.



That old man with him is his grandfather, btw.

Love,
Keita

1. Egg Rolls are CHINESE FOOD. Don't come to a Japanese restaurant asking for egg rolls.
2. California rolls are not real sushi.
3. Sushi doesn't just magically appear. It takes time to make it, and make it well.
4. SUSHI is not the same thing as SASHIMI.
5. Sakura is not pronounced "suh-cure-ah."
6. Menu boards are in drive thrus for the purpose of being read. You should not have to ask "do you have___."

Okay, so the number 1: I work at a Japanese restaurant. I am SO SICK of people asking "Do you have egg rolls?" NO WE DO NOT HAVE EGG ROLLS BECAUSE EGG ROLLS ARE CHINESE FOOD AND WE ARE A JAPANESE RESTAURANT. It's so annoying.

Number 2: We sell a lot of california rolls. I think it is because people like to think "oh i'm eating sushi i'm cool" or whatever, so they eat california rolls because they don't want anything "gross." Well, sorry to break it to you. California rolls are NOT real sushi. It was invented to be an american version of a Japanese sushi roll because americans would not eat sushi or the seaweed.

Number 3: This really aggrivates me. People order sushi, and get mad when it takes a while to get to them, sometimes even say they don't want it anymore and they want it taken off of their bill. I DON'T THINK SO. Because YOU ordered it, we put it in for YOU and our sushi chef makes it for YOU. There are usually other people's orders ahead of you, and sushi takes time to make. Unless you want some piece of crap roll that's falling apart, you need to shut your mouths and appreciate someone taking the time to make something so tedious for you.

Number 4:Sushi isn't the same thing as sashimi. So don't ask me if they're different. If they weren't different, there wouldn't be two different names now would there? Sashimi has no rice, sushi does.

Number 5:This just irks me personally because it is pronounced "sah-coo-rah" with a rolled r. NOT "sa-cure-ah"

Number 6: This is just common sense. Don't ask me what we have/don't have when a huge menu board is sitting right there staring you in the face.

Seriously, how idiotic are some people?

Okay, okay. So, everyone is going on and on (and on and on and on) about how lame Dragon Ball Z: Evolution is. Well, I went to see it today. And you know what? I liked it. That's right.

Now, it's true, before today I knew NOTHING about Dragon Ball Z. Why? It never appealed to me to watch it, it seemed stupid (and I'm talking about the series here) and poorly drawn. So I didn't want to watch it. But I liked the movie.

And I don't think it's fair to say that I only liked the movie because I never watched the series. Because I think, even if I had watched the series, I still would have liked the movie.

That's the way movies are. Death Note the series was amazing, but the live action movie was really different. But it was still AMAZING and I loved it even though I had seen the series. I had no problem with it. Battle Royale the book is one of my favorites, and the movie is completely different, and I still love the movie! Etc, etc I could go on. My point is, I usually like both, changing things for the movie doesn't bother me, a lot of the time it's for time reasons. I don't want to sit through a 52 hour movie.

Another thing. I hate critics. Hate hate hate. I can't help it. Everytime (well, usually) when they say something about a movie, I think the opposite. They never help me and I never believe them because they're always wrong. They suck. :(

So anyways. I liked it. That's all that matters to me. ^_^ Goku's my favorite of course. :)

I'm done now...I lost my train of thought...go figure.

"No matter how far...run, for all you're worth." - Nanahara Shuya (Battle Royale)

Battle Royale...sheer genius. If you haven't seen it, you need to.

Haha. I just figured out my Korean age. Don't ask, I was bored, and watching SHINee's Yunhanam and wondering...hmmm how old am I in Korean calculations anyway?

So I figured it out. I'm 20 by Korean age, and only 18 by western calculations.

At least, I THINK that's right. I've read on a lot of different websites, and from what I understand, the Korean age is counted by years you have been living, not full years you've been through. At birth, you are considered one year old. Then, at the start of the new year (I assume the lunar new year, in either January or February of every year) you turn another year old. You still have your birthday though, which is the only part I don't understand. I guess you don't technically say you turn whatever age on that day, it's just a celebration of the day you were born.

So it's pretty easy to figure out.

For example, I was born on December 17th, 1990, making me currently 18 years old by western age because I have not had my birthday this year. The lunar new year has passed however, so that adds another year to my age, as well as the "being one year old" at birth. That makes me 20.

Going with that, take SHINee's lead singer Jong Hyun. I believe he was born April 4th, 1990. ( I don't remember the exact date but I know it's April). Now that that date has passed for this year, he is 19 by western age, but the new year has passed as well making him 20. The reason my western age is 18 and my Korean age is 20 and his is 19 and 20 is because he has already had his birthday this year and I haven't.

So when December rolls around I will be 19 by western standards and almost 21 by Korean age.

I thought it was pretty cool.

I was in my first car wreck a week ago (well a week ago if it was yesterday).

I was leaving a Vietnamese event at the college I am attending next fall. I pulled out of the parking lot, on to one of the many little streets around the college, and out onto the main road, getting in the left hand lane at the intersection where Thompson meets Main Street.

Well I swear I saw a green arrow or whatever, and I saw the car but it looked like it was far enough up on the road and they looked like they were slowing down. So I went. Well I knew I probably shouldn't have. I got t-boned in the back passenger door. Then rolled and hit a pole. Didn't hit the pole hard though.

I can still drive my car. But the other car was totaled and she couldn't even drive it home. Well...later on the insurance guy told us that their car was totaled even before it hit mine.

So...police arrived and I was still in shock and upset so I just said it was my fault, which after I got home I didn't believe. I still don't believe it and I don't think I will. They didn't ask any questions and just gave me the ticket, which I would fight but I'm too lazy. I don't even really care. All I care about is that the insurance decided to total my car since it already had wreck on the title before we bought it. So now I feel bad because my parents have to get me another car. Well, we already took care of that. We got one from the same guy I got my first one from, he just has to repair it, but it has a clear title.

From the place that she hit my car, it's obvious that I was at least 3/4 of the way through the intersection already. There is no way she couldn't have seen me. And I know she could have stopped. The entire issue here is not whether or not the right away was yielded, but that she didn't stop to avoid a crash, which normal people do. The same EXACT thing has happened to me twice where I have been on the other end of that, saw the car coming in the turn, and stopped to avoid hitting it. And I stopped both times and never hit a car. The girl that hit me looked younger so I assumed she was some inexperienced 16yr old driver or something. I know I'm only 18, but I've got at least two years of experience, and I'm a really good driver, or so everyone says, and I'm careful and non-aggressive. I've never even been pulled over and given a ticket before. But no; that girl was 20yrs old. 20yrs old and still apparantly can't drive.

My guess is she wasn't looking or didn't care. She couldn't; or shouldn't have been anyway; going more than 35mph so she could have stopped.

So yeah I'm mad about that, and I'm not just trying to bash the other driver. I still think she was at fault too, but accidents happen even if you are paying attention.

But after the crash, I'm just mentally tormented everytime I drive. It hasn't gotten any better, and now it's been over two weeks since the crash (I edited this entry a week after I started it). I want to get back to normal, but I want to make sure I'm aways careful and that I don't get into any more wrecks, period. I don't want to hurt my current car anymore than it is, since it's worth credit on my new one, and I really don't want to mess up the new one either. I don't want anyone to get hurt and I can't afford another car.

I'm so paranoid now, even worse than before. I don't want to drive, period. I can't stand the mental scars that won't go away. I'm always second guessing myself now, even on stuff I know is right. I can't stand driving like that and I don't know what to do to get over it.

Love
Keita